Our Autism Journey

Another Knock – Entry #13

May 22, 2018

Why can’t it just be someone at the door rather?

It’s Monday, the 22nd of February and I feel like my life is one big tornado, with brief periods of calmness.

I’m really not surprised why people have “blue Mondays” anymore. Unexpectedly, Dr. Brown has decided to send through her report of Joe at lightning speed. Her secretary told me before we even met Dr. Brown that the report will take at least 3 weeks and she is actually known to produce reports faster than other pediatricians. I didn’t know if the secretary wanted me to “high 5” her for this as she looked like she was waiting for me to respond cheerfully.

Anyways, so according to the email that Dr. Brown probably dictated to her secretary to write, it was “remarkably easy to diagnose Joe with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder)”. This was part of the email – before I even opened the encrypted attachment that made me furious. Like I said a million times – I accept Joe for being Joe, but can’t stand anyone treating him like a number or a diagnosis before a little boy with a love for swimming and cuddles (at times).

The report was 8 pages long and basically said that he is “delayed” in all the fancy word categories she mentioned. Her recommendations were 40hrs PER WEEK of ABA (Applied Behavioral Analysis), Speech therapy and Occupational therapy once a week. She gave two names of centers and one Speech therapist and one OT that I “should contact”.

This really feels like I am on a never-ending rollercoaster. I mean two days ago I was disappointed and then all of a sudden I started thinking about getting back with Ryan (yes, you are the only one I’m telling this) and now today I feel like I have hit a wall again.

As I promised myself that I will be productive and focus on the positives, I will try and forget about some of the wording in the report and focus on work for today. Yes! I still have a job, luckily. I love being a writer for an international newspaper. I loved writing about real events, where I had to go out in the field more so than writing about the latest political situation at the moment. I had to sacrifice a lot when I decided years ago that I will move and “settle” with Ryan for a bit. Now that bit has turned into a possible lifetime of self-doubt, not just about our relationship and myself, but also the future of my lovely little boy.

With that thought, I should get going. Joe has been attending a playgroup nearby and he is starting to show some interest in his friends – which is great. I really hope all these recommendations from Brown is not going to change that…