Our Autism Journey

Do I Even Care? – Entry #2

December 28, 2019

Screw the world

I was speaking to a random woman in a coffee shop today that felt the need to ask me “what’s wrong with your child?” At first I wanted to tell her to mind her own business, but then I politely said “I think he is perfect, just like you hopefully feel about your child too.” I turned out that her child has recently been diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS). I didn’t see that one coming and felt very relieved that I didn’t go with my first instinct of lock, load and attack. This Mom was sweet and I felt that she was probably the first person since I started noticing differences in Joe that actually listened. And believed me! Her advice was “screw the world”, you know what your child needs and what makes him happy – go with your gut. Thank you sweet stranger – you have made this day a little easier to cope with.

Although I don’t know what the next step is, I am determined that I am going to try and follow my gut more with Joe – if I think he needs to do whatever he wants for longer, I will let him. If I feel I need to get a second and third opinion to give myself a way forward, I will insist on seeing more professionals. Until someone listens or at least gives me more options than “don’t worry – he is just a boy and developing slower”.

As I’m writing in this journal tonight, Joe is lying next to me. Quiet, content and not really interested in what I am doing. He has found all the round shaped items in the house – from balls, pulled apart earphones to rolled in socks. He is now happily lining it all up in the longest straight line of random objects I have seen. What does he see that fascinates him this much in that line? I wonder if he thinks the same of me when I scroll endlessly through Instagram or Facebook looking at all my friends’ “perfect” lives? Does he feel sorry for me or does he wonder if there is more to what I see in those photos? I sure don’t feel like there is more to the facade that people place on social media about their lives. Maybe, just maybe, Joe’s lined up random ball-shaped items are actually way more interesting than Sandra in Phuket drinking a coconut or Danny running into the same ocean in a different location for the 100th time… Who knows. And then I remember the wise lady’s advice and decide that I really just don’t care about the rest of the world. I have my Joe and his quirks to keep me entertained.

Night x