My Life Since I Had Joe – Entry #4

While I was pregnant, I often wondered how it would be when Joe is born – according to society I am not so young anymore…would that affect my ability to be a good mom? Would I know what to do? What if he cries and I don’t know what is wrong? Some of my friends have babies and they tell me a mom knows her child best and she will always know exactly what the child needs – that just seems so far-fetched!

Then Joe was born and he cried and I would feed him, change him, give him a bath (even from a young age, he LOVED bath time), hold him, feed him again…and most of the time I actually did know what he wanted! I was quite impressed with myself.

The baby days went by quite quickly and my baby turned into a beautiful little boy. The things he liked started changing too, but bath time was still his favorite! To be honest, there were times where Joe would be upset and nothing seemed to comfort him – even during those times, being in the water would change him completely. I loved watching him play in the water – he seemed to experience every movement in the water so intently. I don’t want to write this next bit, but because I promised myself to be honest in these blog entries, I will. I didn’t (and still don’t) often see Joe look really happy – he has never shown much interest in his toys, doesn’t seem to care for the stupid peek-a-boo games that apparently all babies find funny and it really seems like he does not “care” (mind?) who he spends time with. I know he loves me and feels safe with me, but he is not attached to me to such an extent that he would look for me every now and then to make sure that I am close to him. But as soon as he got into the water, he was HAPPY, as in TRULY happy! Look, I actually put him in the bath some days (okay, a few times a day) to play, just so that I can see that smile, hear that little laugh – oh, how I love him!

By the way, I pretty much still know exactly what Joe wants. The only thing is, he uses his own way of asking me. He does not ask “like other almost-3-year-olds” (I so hate those words).

Enough for today!

P.S I decided to cancel my appointment with my GP. I just needed a break from professionals for a bit.

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